Stories:DiaryOfATormentedSoul
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Diary of a Tormented Soul
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My life closed twice before it's close;
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I remember when I was young, she was watching me. I remember laying awake in bed after mother had put me down for the evening. The window, the foot of my bed, I can still pick out images of this woman watching me, the look in her eyes, the smirk upon her face. I still remember the nightmares, if that's what they were. As such, whenever mother wasn't about, I still never felt alone. Being so young, looking back to this day I've still never lost that feeling, of always being watched, looked over, and not necessarily by someone with my best intentions at heart.
The years passed, the nightmares lessened as I grew older, it was my twelfth birthday, or some time around then I do recall that the nightmares started reoccurring... there she was, standing over me in her black silken gown. That sneer on her face and that... malicious look in her eyes.. it gave me chills that I cannot shake to this day.
I was being watched, tormented, I just knew it, every time I thought I was finally alone, something would happen, in the barn, in the trees, something would set off that ill feeling within me that I was being watched.
More time passed, the feelings remained however life went on, due to terrible storms the farm had begun to suffer, my father had left mysteriously one evening to tend to the cattle and never returned, despite the best intentions I don't think my mother ever fully recovered from it. The daily routine became more difficult, not just from my fathers leaving, but from my mothers drinking. Day after day, evening after evening my mother blamed me more and more as the reason my father left. She started doing less and less around the house as the days went by, spending more of what little money we had on ale to keep away her tears.
It was sometime after this, during the late fall and another poor season on the farm, and times had turned for the worse. I had just come in from feeding the animals, stepping inside the door my mother was there. She had been drinking, and crying, she just stood there with that look in her eyes... a look of pure disgust. She began yelling at me, reaffirming just how worthless I was around our home, about how I was the reason my father had left. I just stood there, staring at the floor, a knot forming at the pit of my stomach. Then it happened, without looking up I felt her hand fly across my cheek moments before I collapsed upon the floor.
Days became longer, the more I tried avoiding my mother the more of a beating I received that evening. Months passed and I became weary, we had barely made it through the winter as I dreaded the work coming. An evening, I remember it vaguely, it wasn't too terribly long ago. Having just had another round with my mother, as always her being victorious as I'd never dare raise my own hand against her out of fear. I laid beaten, scratched and bloody upon the main room floor. Time ticked by so slowly as she glared down at me, kicking my side, I could only answer her irate questions with a whimper before she would start all over again.
Then it happened, I tensed for another blow, a spray of crimson, a loud scream... then silence. Through my tattered hair I could barely see a woman, dressed in black, reminiscent of my dreams... Her movement graceful, and once again I noticed the wicked grin upon her face, that bewitching look in her eyes before everything went dark.
I awoke some time after, still laying upon the floor. I will never forget the vision of that room that morning, drenched in crimson, my mother nowhere to be seen. More time passed as I did my best to stay alive. By myself it was easier and more difficult at the same time, none would treat me as an equal as I was yet so young, and so I had to settle for considerably less for what I was able to scrounge from the farm. The livestock sold, a harsh winter I barely had any food left to keep myself, and I know prospectors had their eyes on my home. Even at seventeen seasons old, without an adult in the home it was easy for people to walk over me to get what they wanted.
It wasn't long before I lost the rest of what I had, I remember the very spring morning when the men came and forcibly removed me from my home, the only home I'd known, for better or for worse.
At least I had my favourite dress, a deep purple silken dress I'd purchased some time ago, it was a little snug as I had filled out a bit since then, but it was wonderful none the less. I felt carefree as I walked up to the ridge, The wind blowing through my hair I was filled with a calm I'd never in my life felt before as I looked down over the cliff.
I must have stood there for an hour, contemplating what my life had become and where it had led me, fitting I suppose. As I began to take my final step I heard a soft, silky voice from behind.
"Your not going to be doin that just yet my pet" I heard a woman's voice say.
As I turned slowly my voice caught in my throat. The woman who stood before me I did not recognize, although the held the confidence of a queen as she continued.
"I'll not allow you to kill yourself, you have use for me yet" she spoke as she stepped forward.
"I've watched you for quite some time, ye's a pretty little thing, come, we're going home"
I stood mesmerized by this woman for a moment, wondering why she would care. Then I noticed, the expression upon her foreign face, that look within her eyes. I lowered my head to the ground as she grabbed me by the hair, pulling me away from the ledge. "Wha.. why.." I managed to meekly say, moments before feeling a slap across my cheek.
"Ye will speak when I address you only as well ye shall call me Mistress, do you understand child?" she spoke, her voice a calm in the whirlwind of confusion within my mind.
"I don't know." I managed before another sharp slap across my cheek.
"It is not your place to know, nor do I care whether ye do or nay. It is simply how it's going to be. Now, what do you say?" she said.
"Aye" I spoke, as another sharp slap across my face, tears welling in my eyes.
"Aye Mistress" I murmured, cringing at her expected reaction.
Moments passed as the woman reached out to me and grasped my arm. Waving her hand a magical red gate appeared out of nowhere.
"Come" she spoke as she motioned me forward. I stepped forward into the gate, and the new fate I've had little choice but come to accept.
A New Beginning
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Because I could not stop for Death |
It's been two months since I've come to this place... this dark, damp, cold place. I'm not certain why I didn't say no, I feel as though I have no control anymore, not that I mind. When I thought I had control of my own destiny things... didn't turn out so well anyways. Why she didn't let me just end it and get it over with I'll have no idea.
I write this journal, I'm not certain why but it helps.. I think.. or maybe it just confuses me more than I already am.. either way it gets burned by the time I've finished so it really matters little. I know not even if Mistress knows whether or not I write to myself, but I can only be safe to assume she does.. she knows... so much about me, things, things I don't even know. It's unnerving and comforting. So since she doesn't mind that I mind, and she hasn't beaten me for it yet, I think I shall continue to do so.
Eyeing myself, it seems the bruises have seemed to heal, and my wrist has stopped burning. It's fascinating how the bracelet feels so seamless against my skin. The bruises shouldn't have healed this quickly, the ones from my mother never did, I don't understand, it makes perfect sense.
She took me somewhere, of course I made no mention of my discomfort, it was sickening, corpses lined the floor of his home, old, decayed and decaying corpses, I love that smell, it's disgusting, I tried not to vomit. I lowered myself to the floor, it's proper, I'm safer here. I tilt my head forward, they can't see me, I'm safe, hidden behind the hair that has fallen over my face. They have words, lots of words, there is blood, I can smell it... Why can I smell the blood? I can almost taste it. I don't recall liking the taste of blood before, it's sweet gentle velvety taste. I lick my lips in wonderment as to why I can smell the blood, it's not even mind, that makes no sense.
They are done, hardly a sound whispered between them. Someone speaks up, strange little man standing very tall over in the dark corner. A feint scribbling... he's not scribbling in blood, I could smell that. She moves, I dare not lag behind. I rise to my feet and follow quickly, I try to avoid his gaze, it's very disconcerting, the glowing eyes, that look... that look, I know that look, it comes from nowhere, that look and I are very familiar. I skitter past quickly to my mistress's side, she hasn't looked back, she knows I'm here, I'm always here, it's safest here.
She leaves, I follow, through the gate and back home. She slaps me, and caresses my cheek. Praise for a job well done, I almost smile but I want no more beatings. I nod slightly, wondering what's in store for me next, good, bad, I could end up like last time.
I lower my head, safe, safe now, she can't see me, although I can hear her words still.
"Go back to your studies" she says.
I do, without a word, the silence is deafening, I can't stand it. I find solace in these words as I study. The pages of the books feel slick, too slick, can't be paper must... must not matter, I shall study now the candle's flam has longed for this writing. It has been far too long, I hear her coming, now, quick quick the candle it can see now, see it all, It's reading what I've written....
Preperations
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"How strange that nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude! " |
The rain outside is taunting me. I burry my head under the covers, laying there quietly hoping it will leave me in peace. It doesn't go, I scream, I yell for it to stop, it never stops, never listens. I love the rain, it hates me, I know it's after me, it won't leave me alone.
Alone... I sit alone, the rain is still after me, I still hide beneath my covers. My mistress calls, but if I go the rain will get me, her wrath or the rain... I dare not disobey her, she is here when the rain is not. I slink out from under the covers, staying low to the ground, it knows I've come out, it just knows, it's watching me. I crawl to the stairs, slowly down, my knee scrapes against the stone, it hurts, but only for a moment, and less than if it would happen to catch me. Slowly, down the stairs, carefully one step at a time I move.
My mistress is there, at the bottom of the stairs, she glares at me. She doesn't know, she doesn't know it's after me, the rain, it's just over there, I see it taunting me from outside the window. It's coming for me, it wants me, for what I'm not certain.
She kicks me in the side, I reel in pain, I should have known better, much better, mistress is not pleased, another kick and I curl up against the wall. I beg forgiveness, rolling forward I kiss her feet. Her lips curl, she's still not happy, but I continue anyway, my hand on my ribs, I know they are there, maybe broken, maybe fixed. It's so hard to tell, they hurt, her scent is strong, it's lovely but it's strong, I hate it, it's beautiful, entrancing, I can't help myself.
She pulls my hair, I gaze up into her eyes, those eyes, so beautiful, so entrancing, so lost, they swirl, I know, I just know.. they are controlling the rain. Everyone is against me, I'd best not disobey. She told me to go make myself presentable, whatever that means, I thought I was present, perhaps It's because I wasn't wrapped up with a bow.
A bath, it's quick, the sponge hurts, my skin is red, the harder I scrub the less it hurts, I'll never get clean. The dress, it's pretty, I hate it, so silky, so soft it hurts my skin. My breasts, so there, hardly covered, the rain will surely see them, will stare, everyone stares. The dress, it so big, it sticks to me like a second skin, so long, it's following me... like the rain, but quieter as I try to walk away from it. I can't get away, I trip and fall on the bed, my bed, I could crawl in, just a moment, to hide, hide from the rain, it's after me still but quieter now, I'm escaping.
I reconsider, staring at my bed, so peaceful, so enticing, it's a trap! I've figured it out! It wants me to sleep, to curl up in my bed. I've figured it out, it cannot win. My mistress is calling again, I'd best hurry lest it think it's got me, it can never have me, my mistress has said so, I can't let her down.
I head down the stairs quickly, my side hurts, I don't know why, stupid side, why now? I pause at the bottom of the stairs, glance within the mirror, that girl, she's there, I know her, she's nice. With her help I check straighten my dress, fix my hair. I'm presentable now, for what I'm not sure, I just know it's not the rain. Mistress hate me, she loves me, but not that much, not enough to give me to the rain.
I enter the room, she turns to face me, her lips pursed she walks forward, caressing my hair, it feels nice, it hurts, she's pulling it, I sit. So stupid, I should have sat down before, what was I thinking? She walks around me, I didn't do good enough, she's mad, I cringe, she smiles at me.
"Good enough my pet" she says, her voice like silk, harsh against my ears.
She smirks "we are expecting guests" as she motions towards the doors, they fly open, I gasp at the sight before me, then, darkness.
An Evening Apart
Note: This Chapter for Mature Audiences Only
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"Virginity is like a balloon; one prick and it's all gone" |
She sat cross legged upon her silk covered sheets as she stared blankly out the window. A scowl crossing her face as she watches two skittering hoppers frolic outside her window.
"Not pretty" she murmured under her breath as she watched them play.
"Not pretty at all" she scowled and let out a sigh as she laid back down upon her covers.
"Mistress said..." whispered from her lips, as she rested a hand upon her stomach, the fingers sliding slowly beneath the waistband of her skirt. "Life... isn't... pretty..." Visions of the previous banquet filling her mind, the sight of the undead wizards as they entered the hall replaying till the moment she had passed out. "Beauty in death.." her words came slowly as her hand crept lower, gliding across the smooth supple skin between her legs. "They...are not beautiful..." her breath catching in her throat as she arched her back lightly, her remaining hand clasping at her breast gently. "Beauty in those faces... the sight, death.." she shuddered lightly as her hands played across her body in a soft dance.
Random thoughts passing through the winds of her mind 'The faces... so.. hideous' she moaned, her nipples hardening as she continued her caress. Her breath warm and soft as it blew over her moistened lips, hew knees bending as her legs spread further apart, flaring her skirt as her heals raked across the dampened sheets.
A noise from just outside her window. "Shite!" she exclaimed as quickly scrambled to her knees. Staring for moments at nothing.. the sound again, outside her window startles her a second time. She glances out in time to see trails of blood running down her window, she licks her lips suddenly entranced by the rosy hue as the sun shines through the thinning blood on glass.
Gazing through the red haze upon the window she looked out into the field, a man, shadowed by his robes gazing up towards her window. She knew not what this stranger had wanted, and was cautious as he stayed just outside the property line.
She slowly released the clasps upon her window and opened it. A slight glance as she did, noticing the hoppers were nowhere to be seen, she leaned her head out the window.
"Aye?" She commented softly to the stranger.
A low sullen voice replied "Where.. is your Mistress"
"She ain't not at home" She yelped back in reply.
He snarled, and with a single deft motion flung something at the window, hitting just above the opening and splattering against the house. Kithka squealed as what remained of the skittering hopper slammed into the house above her, coating her in it's blood. "Tell her..." he paused momentarily. "Tell her, I shall be return."
"But wha..." she got out before the being simply vanished. "But who tha hell are you" she murmured to herself quietly as she sat back down upon the sheets.
She gazed down at herself, staring, her outfit in ruins. "Oh Mistress, she's going to kill me" she spoke softly, as her hands moved to rest upon the blood soaked bodice. She stared blankly, her hands caressing over the silken velvet, the blood flowing across her hand as she pressed into the bodice.
Her instantly raced as her hands slid down across her hips, her gaze locked firmly upon her fingers. The blood continued to flow as she ran them across her hips, her silken skirt clinging to her legs. She reached down sliding the skirt up her legs, leaving small streaks of blood adorning her naked legs. Her hands exploring as she basked in the liquid that now adorned her, her fingers caressing gently up her thighs. Pausing, she raises a hand to wipe the matted hair from her face, squeezing it gently as the soaked blood fills her palm. Gently tilting her head back she runs her bloody palm down her neck as her other hand finds it's mark nestled between her legs.
Gasping, a moan escapes her lips as she begins to rock upon her knees, the hand sliding down her neck gently rests upon her breast as she begins squeezing gently. Her body aching for the attention, a pinch of her nipple, a thrust of her hips, a moan emanating from between her lips, her clouded gaze turning slowly back towards the window.
Tensing, she cries out, her body trembling, the blood of her clothes mingles with the sweat from her body. Inhaling deeply as she cries. She collapses. Her body laying quietly, sprawled out amongst the sticky, blood soaked sheets.
"A visitor.." the words escaping her lips amongst her breath. "..for Mistress.. was here" before a euphoric dream encompasses her completely.
